The 20-Year Quest for Uyné's Color Palette

 Okay, okay--18 years, not 20. I've been drawing Uyné since 2006. I never thought it would take me so long to settle on its coloration! I gave it mandrill-like facial markings around 2010; the rest of its body was a mystery.

UNTIL NOW!! :D

Uyné's skin is covered in chromatophores; think chameleon or squid! It has a dense, translucent coat of fur, keeping color shifts visible. Its upper lip can fold over its jaw like a gelada baboon's.

 

The new and improved Uyné compared to last year's study.

Uyné's nicknames include The Mouth / Maw and The Devourer of Wrongful Souls; its full name, Uyné'Zhat-no-ej'Mophest, means "One Feared for its Mouth." With its newfound coloration, a new name sparked my imagination: The Sunsetter.

The Mouth takes no pride in its designation as Soul Devourer. Ages ago, it attacked and killed one of its siblings, maimed another; Tretzanis had poisoned it, thinking The Mouth could destroy all of its siblings. With the Faélbè--"The Five" lesser gods--gone, Tretzanis could assume power over his own siblings and sow chaos in their absence. He would have succeeded had Uyné not torn his throat.

Ezthlitofett--a vigilante--stepped in to stop The Mouth from harming anyone else. A lengthy chase and fierce battle ensued. Ez managed to strike The Mouth across the neck with his sword, negating the effects of Tretzanis' poison. As the poison wore off, Uyné, horrorstruck, beseeched Ez to kill it. Ez refused, talking the godling down instead.

With time, they become intimate. It's not a physical relationship until years later. Ez teaches Uyné the Common Tongue (like Esperanto or some kind of pidgin); Uyné offers Ez gentle paralytic bites to ease his chronic pain.

I love them. ;__;

Uyné shares an intimate relationship with Ezthlitofett. <3

(this is facing the right direction!)

I used my little Uyné puppet to keep its proportions consistent.

(this draft made from an older drawing)

Once these lovebirds are properly drafted, I wanna go to town with my markers. I had never attempted stippling with them until this color study! Chromatophores, here I come!!

It's nice to visit my fantasy babies again. Brainsick gets the bulk of my attention, but Fáèlborn is equally precious to me.

TL;DR lololol long time no post :U

2021 Goals and rearranging my work area! (SKETCHBOOKS)

2021 goals? CHECK. XD

I need a low-pressure way to share my sketchbooks again so I figured, WHY NOT ACTUALLY POST TO YOUR BLOG AGAIN, YOU DORK??

I rearranged my workspace shelving slightly to accommodate my current sketchbooks! (See also: updated corkboards yaaaay.) Sketchbooks were my refuge in 2020: I drew 686 pages across 18 sketchbooks!

My 2020 sketchbooks (eight total) are easily accessible, and I have six sketchbooks I'm doodling in daily or almost daily. I added a couple older sketchbooks I may still reference to the last letter tray (above).

To better organize my thoughts and story ideation, I keep separate sketchbooks for each story (namely Brainsick, Fáèlborn, and KriMauTai at this time--but almost exclusively Brainsick and its alternate universe, Count the Calm).

Collaging / decorating new sketchbook covers is one of my favorite past times. I'd ordered two Wonder & Weiss Create Collection sketchbooks from Ebay late last year after finding a couple in a local Ross sometime in 2019. W&W has no website that I can find, and the Ebay books were likely picked up from another secondhand store and sold at a markup--but I love them, so I fell for the bait. ;D

I will remove the covers from spiralbound sketchbooks to fully personalize them. They're easy to reassemble! This one is from December 1st, 2020:

With time, I added MORE STICKERS:

(front cover, back cover, inner front, inner back)

Pink skull by my friend, Ely (Spycyshark)
Space doggo by my friend, Sunny (The Acidic Slushie)
Strawberry cat by Crowlines
woodland critters from a cute sticker pack at Fred Meyer

Crystal fox sticker by Ely!

Headphones goblin by my friend Mike! (StickerSandwich)
Blue-tongued monster by my friend Merp! (MerplDerpl)

Granted, the paper in this particular sketchbook is not quite as sturdy, SO I've made it a sketchdump! LOTS of pages for quick, rough doodles that I can fix up in my mixed media sketchbook. Speaking of which!

Rat, moon, and another crystal fox by Spycyshark!

Space snake by Alum & Ink

Owl and datura by Black Sea Foam

Horned heart monster by StickerSandwich

Holographic monster by Kiriska

Constellation stickers by my friend Hannah (RoseBound Studio)

(Gorgeous holiday card by my bro Aki hangin' over my Surface)

I LOVE CANSON XL MIXED MEDIA SKETCHBOOKS. They're well-crafted and can weather a LOT of wet media applications!

The Book of Fonch is where I focus on my Count the Calm art. Camille said that "Book of Fonch" sounds like a cult BUT if it's a cult, it's like... a cult of loving yourself for who you are and cute found family shenanigans aaaand non-explicit asexual kink **wow** XD

Nightmute sticker by my friend N! (Nightmute)

Big Mood and AM PUPPY! by ButtsteakYUM!

WILD! by my friend Jen (Coffeehousedog)

Coffee Goblin by StickerSandwich (plus Heart Monster!)

Beanie fox by Spycyshark

Fat Cat Dragon by Spycyshark

Pupsicle by Coffeehousedog

Dork 4 Life by Michi Scribbles

Pink face washi tape by Commandurr14

Chubby unicorn by StickerSandwich

Green tiger sticker by Crowlines

Fat Cat Pants, Space Otter, and Chubby Chonken by Alum & Ink

Pride Possum and Slice of Life by Spycyshark

Wolf and bone by Nightmute

Cute and SPOOKY!! stickers by Commandurr14

SO TINY AND PRECIOUS <3
(by Commandurr14 / Lee Strawberry)

I... just REALLY LOVE STICKERS

I'll share some actual sketch pages here soonish! I WANT to share more of my sketchbook art; I just hate social media nowadays. I deactivated my Facebook account in November (after deliberating on it for years), and I share stories on IG but delete the app shortly after. I'll share more on IG eventually, but the break has been beneficial. 

I mostly share friends' art on Twitter, haha. :D

Here is a fat bird I found at Fred Meyer.

It reminds me of Fonch (AU Finch lolol)

I'm collecting Fonches at an alarming rate XD

National Coming Out Day and Bitter Pills

2020 has been a year of personal discoveries; call 'em bitter pills. Colorful language impending (I'm queer—would you expect anything less?) amidst a classic Jillian FB novella.

I liked my art better before I monetized it. Fuck internalized capitalism.

Brainsick has always been heavily self-therapeutic. I don't know if I can publish it any more, or if I even want to? Maybe my art was always meant simply to be self-therapeutic. It's felt so healing taking a break from my online shop and cons (and also a massive privilege) to reconnect with my thought process and sketchbooks and writing.

I have gender dysphoria, and I've denied it for decades because I lacked the language necessary to describe how I've felt since childhood.

I don't feel male, but I've never truly felt female. There are times when I thought I did, and I convinced myself that I somehow managed to pull it off. I've always hated having breasts (why I hunched as a teen), and I DESPISE having a reproductive system at all. I was eight years old when I knew I didn't want children.

If I could afford the cost and recovery time, nothing would make me happier in terms of my physical appearance than a double mastectomy. A hysterectomy would be great if not for surgical menopause.

I'm wavering between genderqueer and non-binary. Still figuring out what fits me better.

The gender binary—the laughable idea that there is "only" female or male—is a sham. Gender variation was the NORM before the binary reared its ugly white colonialist head.

Think about it: of nearly 8 billion people extant, do you really think we all fall neatly into Either / Or? Do you REALLY think all of the estimated 108 billion people who have ever lived were Either / Or?

No. 

Remember that gender is a construct. People fear what they don't understand, so they give meaning to this construct to make sense of the world.

But how do you make sense of your experience when it falls outside the limitations instilled and perpetuated by society?

I've spent years subconsciously HATING myself because I could not make sense of why I felt the way I do. Internalized misogyny and internalized queerphobia are real fuckin' fun.

The general public—even the LGBTQIA+ community at large—overwhelmingly prefers / understands genderqueer or non-binary to translate to "able-bodied androgynous white AFAB." (See how this circles back to white colonialist bullshit?) 

News flash: there are as many ways to self-identify as there are people on the planet—but I'm just parroting folks much wiser than I am. Gender-nonconforming folks DO NOT all look like I do!

And if you're thinking about pulling the "biological sex" argument? There are several natural chromosomal variations that DO NOT FIT the female / male binary. Sex, like gender, is a spectrum. Science rules.

Naming my gender dysphoria felt like a puzzle piece snapping into place. With it came identifying several childhood "bad habits" that are actually very common into adulthood: body-focused repetitive behaviors, or BFRBs. Nail-biting, hair-pulling, skin-picking… I still struggle with several of these behaviors, which may stem from anxiety, depression, stress, or even boredom. Some may even be inherited. I strongly suspect they're connected to my self-hatred. I have a lot of unlearning to do.

I don't care who reads this because I am sick and tired of lying to myself. I've shared some of my discoveries as IG stories during the past few weeks; friends have reached out to me telling me they feel less "other," less alone. Maybe I can use my art and stories to help people feel accepted and loved and normal—because that's what we deserve.

Long story short? I really don't care if you still refer to me with she / her / hers. Know that neutral pronouns—they / them / theirs—feel much better to me, and make me much happier! <3 

Happy National Coming Out Day. 

Be ready to vote, y'all.

(In case it wasn't already blatantly obvious: Fuck Trump.)

[Cross-posting this from FB because I should use my poor ol' blog more.]

Valentine's Day Weekend on the Coast, and Self-Reflection

Thursday, February 13th; approaching sunset.

Taken from the wayside.

I spent a much-needed--and greatly appreciated--few days at my aunt and uncle's beach house this weekend. I left Thursday morning and returned to Portland today. Driving Highway 6 to the coast is a real treat during the daytime; I rarely leave for the coast before nightfall anymore. Trees and moss, low clouds, a multitude of creeks, and the Wilson River begged for photos. I will have to return to answer their call.

I'm happiest when I'm discovering new places. After realizing I liked my art better when it was a hobby, this was an especially relaxing trip. I brought art supplies, but only drew a couple pages in my sketchbook. When agreeable weather greets me at the coast, I HAVE to be outside.

While lunching with Kerstin and Ely last Monday, we discussed hiking and the coast. The gal sitting to my right chimed in and asked if any of us had visited Short Beach: "It's south of Cape Meares and north of Oceanside!" When she described it to us, I knew I had to visit it. Friday morning was sunny in Rockaway Beach. I checked tide tables and left for Short Beach (forty minutes away) at 10AM.

The stairway to Short Beach lies just before Radar Rd. heading up to Cape Meares (off of Cape Meares Loop / Bayshore Dr.). Easy to miss unless you know what you're looking for! 

This stairway is pure magic. Residents maintain it--Short Beach is not a state park--and it's rickety in places, yet I could not help but think of LOTR as I stepped down. 

Short Creek falls from a concrete spillway onto the beach. Larson Creek Falls is further north. I began venturing toward it, but turned back when I considered the rising tide and approaching rain (after I'd beach combed for an hour or more).

Anyone beach combing the Tillamook Coast is probably looking for one thing: agates. I found some agates along with many other fascinating specimens. I am no geologist, but DANG I love me some rocks! Some agates may be mistaken for jaspers--but both are varieties of chalcedony. The main difference is agates are translucent, whereas jaspers are opaque. Many thanks to this page for the clarification. Rocks that display properties of agates and jaspers are dubbed "jasp-agates."

This page also has useful information regarding agates and jaspers!

Someone had placed this beautiful treasure on driftwood for others to admire. If I told you I didn't want to take it home, I would be lying straight to your face. Alas, geology this alluring is best left for all to see. I settled for photos. I wish I knew what kinds of minerals it contains! Hopefully I will be able to introduce it to friends when I can next visit Short Beach.

The sea stack hosts seagulls and black oystercatchers, the latter of which I hadn't seen in person until then. I loved observing them hunting for food and bathing in the creek with the gulls.

                        

Found me a Gollum cave.

I crossed Short Creek over a log and got the sea stack from another angle.

 

Thank you, log-bridge!

Behind the Short Creek waterfall.

Gulls and black oystercatchers!

Pardon the blurry zoomed photo, but--BIRDS!!

I spent a good two hours at Short Beach. When beach combing, or simply while being someplace new, I often lose track of time. It's nice to feel this way sometimes.

Since I was so close to Oceanside, I parked at the wayside for a pit stop, then walked through the tunnel to the "secret beach" (Tunnel Beach) at Maxwell Point. This is also a good agate hunting destination!

The three specks above the treeline are hang gliders!

Cape Lookout to the south.

The Maxwell Point tunnel was constructed in 1926.

Found this lovely cairn at Tunnel Beach.

AT BEACH? JILL HAPPY.

I didn't stay long, but enjoyed my brief visit. Oceanside is one of my favorite spots along the coast, and I've had the pleasure of introducing many friends and my parents to it!

I treated myself to lunch at the Blue Agate Cafe, just across the street from the wayside. I had a tiny nook overlooking the ocean. Ordered some crab tacos. Fine as heck.

After lunch, I continued south. My thirst for adventure brought me to Gammon Launch viewpoint, just north of Cape Lookout. It is a memorial to Dick Gammon.

An elderly couple parked nearby and were kind enough to take my photo here; I took their photo in return. Little interactions like this make me happy.

I don't like how I look too well, but eh, what can ya do?

At this point, I figured, Heck, I'll do the full Three Capes Scenic Loop and head to Cape Kiwanda. On the way, however, I discovered another new favorite: Sitka Sedge State Natural Area! This is one of Oregon's newest state parks, if not the newest. I'd briefly stopped at Sandlake Recreation Area before coming here.

The trail starts along a dike and plants you amidst evergreens dripping with moss. Branching trails are well-maintained and have just enough elevation change to be fun, without being too strenuous.

The larger and less famous Haystack Rock of Pacific City is visible above the trees in this photo. It also points to my next destination: Cape Kiwanda!

I can't wait to bring friends to Sitka Sedge. So many ecosystems within one park!

Haystack Rock from the boat launch at Cape Kiwanda.

The first time I visited Cape Kiwanda was September 2016. I'd come to the beach house for a post-RCCC getaway. After hitting up Munson Creek Falls, I discovered the Cape. I thought, DAMN, I can drive ONTO the beach? This is great! Past the wayside, down the ramp, onto the beach: this is bliss.

Flashback time 2016: I DROVE ONTO THE BEACH!

I visited Cape Kiwanda again in July 2018 after my folks came to visit Rockaway. I was really excited to drive onto the beach again--but I got stuck. Like, waaay stuck. Some kind four-wheel-drivers towed me out of the soft sand, and I drove back up the ramp in defeat. I ended up at Bob Straub State Park to the south; a nice trade-off, even if I could no longer drive onto the beach.

The ramp is now a boat launch, with signs strictly warning experienced folks to use 4WD vehicles when driving onto the beach. Oops. I wonder if my summer 2018 shenanigans helped prompt the change? (To be fair, there were A LOT of other people stuck on the beach that day...)

2016 was such a special visit. I long for a summer return!

Cape Kiwanda is popular AF, even during the winter. The parking lot at the wayside wasn't completely crowded, however, so I parked there and headed to the dune on foot.

I HAVE RETURNED, DUNE!!

Cascade Head to the south.

Cape Lookout to the north.

Obligatory dork-ass selfie on a Very Large Dune.

Climbing the dune is tough, but the reward is running down. I passed a couple trudging gingerly through the sand. They saw me leaping headlong like a deer toward the beach and stood dumbfounded. I think eventually they picked up the pace because they returned to the beach not long after I did. Somebody Make Dune-Running A Sport 2020!!

Cleaned my toes before heading home.

All told, I was out on Valentine's Day from 10AM to 6:30PM. So utterly refreshing. The fact that it was Valentine's Day wasn't significant to me, personally, BUT it was fun to be a weird singleton gallivanting the coast while everyone else seemed to be paired, or in family groups. Powerful ambivert recharging vibes, yeah?

Saturday was rainy, so I read the anthologies I picked up from Mary and Madison at Furlandia last year. I love anthologies! Perhaps I shall contribute to one someday. I rounded out the night by binge-watching the fifth season of Samurai Jack on Blu-ray. Mmmyesss, gimme dat Genndy goodness! I hadn't watched it since it aired in 2017. Took me long enough to watch my copy, sheesh.

I washed and vacuumed the ever-loving dirt out of my li'l Kia on Sunday, then walked to Manhattan Beach. Watched a murder of crows bathing in Crescent Creek before a woman walking her dog scared 'em off.

I was reluctant to leave the coast this morning, but I got to visit Catherine and Mac and their friend Susan. We had breakfast at Back to Eden. It's amazing how good they can make gluten-free and vegan food taste! I am not vegan, nor do I require a gluten-free diet, but man, what a treat.
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Cape Meares as seen across Tillamook Bay, south of Garibaldi.

Once home, I busied myself with making time capsules with the treasures I'd collected from Short Beach. This is one of my favorite hobbies. It's especially fun because they're for my memories only; I would never monetize them.

I replanted Doug into a larger pot so he can recover from being root-bound. I've been much better about letting my plants relax during the winter, and only water them on sunny days, when I know it will evaporate quickly without threatening mold or rot. I owe this knowledge to Kerstin and Aki!

I shared my loot with Kerstin and Ely on Discord. This particular rock from Short Beach looks amazing when wet, and it has a smooth edge and nice heft suitable for a worry stone. I think it's a jasper? There is a lot of this blue-green ("bleen" heh heh) rock along the Tillamook Coast.

The joy of coastal exploration and seeing friends gave way to post-vacation depression. As badly as I needed it--as tempted as I was to return after breakfast with Catherine--I need to keep applying for jobs. I have a list of them. If I could find a job that paid me to adventure, hoo boy. I did apply with a tour guide company, but haven't heard back from them. Moving on.

This is a long, rambly post, but thank you for reading it, or browsing my photos. I miss posting here, even if Blogger suffers from phony page views. I'd like to share my adventures in addition to my art. My goal is to keep discovery at the forefront of 2020. Some of it has been brutal (my Hobby Vs. Hustle dilemma; the case files that turned up in my background check for a potential job), but it is February, so there is a lot of 2020 left to share with family, friends, and myself.